I gazed at my dim reflection on the window pane. I began to ponder back on my life’s journey thus far, half a century of footprints. If they are weighed, I hope they would not be found wanting. No “mene, mene, tekel, upharsin”, I prayed.
I was born in a small town in the ancient Northern state of Kedah. Sungai Petani, more endearingly known locally as SP, was the town of my grandfather’s choosing when he migrated from China. SP was my childhood universe. Those were the best years of carefree innocence.
I grew up rather quickly. I went to the city state of Singapore to pursue my tertiary education at the country’s top institution, National University of Singapore (NUS) and stayed at Raffles Hall, NUS’s finest hall of residence. Upon graduation, I quickly plunged into the working world, with my red underwear worn outside and an “S” tattooed on my chest, to build my career.
I married my childhood sweetheart and we were blest with three lovely boys, my pride and joy. Spiritually, we were very much blest initially at St. John’s-St. Margaret’s Church and latterly at Church Of Our Saviour, two of Singapore Anglican Diocese’s finest. To God be the glory for the things He has done in my life.
My career provided a fairly decent lifestyle for my family. It was however not a smooth runway as I had hoped. There was just one too many speed bumps. Loyalty took precedent over ability. I could not tango to the rules of this game. I was unhappy, unsatisfied. I persevered as long as I could until it became too exhaustingly toxic for my soul. I threw in my towels early. I guessed I was just a round peg trying to fit into the square hole of employment, or just not in my blood.
I am, and will always be, grateful to Singapore, my adopted country, for all peace, harmony, material and spiritual blessings that have been endowed upon my family. I am proud to be associated to such a fine country. I am indebted for my firm grounding in meritocracy, justice, equality, laws and order, and strong aversion against corruption, bigotry and racism. I matured in Singapore.
Against sound counsel, I moved my family back to SP. I sold my apartment and allowed our Permanent Residency to lapse. Many, one too many, of my fellow countrymen who went to Singapore for a greener pasture, went on to take up the country’s citizenship. None could blame them for embracing the warm welcome when their own country had disowned them as “pendatang”.
I was amongst the few, too few, who came back. I was but a contrarian. I had my reasons. I made my choice. I loved my country regardless of her shortcomings. No bigots or racists were going to tell me otherwise. I was prepared to face whatever consequences. Only history will judge whether I was right in so doing. In the meantime, I would continue my life journey into history, into regrets or into destiny. I pray the latter.
I feel the pulse of my nation, the once pride of the British Empire, a paradise on earth. She was abundantly blest below and above ground with sunshine all around throughout the year. Her populace were decent, hardworking and united, and the country a safe paradise.
Presently, her pulse is erratic and faint, yet angry. My beloved country is sick and in decay, a distant glimmer of her former glory, her populace angry. She is like a white dwarf sun collapsing inevitably into a black hole.
We are incensed by the pervasive injustice, inequality and oppression. We are infuriated at the rampant corruptions, blatant cronyism and prevalent nepotism. We are appalled by the repeated assaults, abuses and violations. We have completely lost faith and trust.
Oblivious, intentional or otherwise, the incumbent continues to polarise the populace through bigotry and racism, polity of fear and suppression, sex galore and discriminatory prosecution, in order to perpetuate legitimacy. Such legitimacy devoid of creditability and integrity is malevolently illegal and evil. The incumbent has long lost her benevolent soul, morphed into a dark insidious black hole. Its plethora of promises rang deafeningly hollow unfulfilled.
With the Parliament subverted, Judiciary curtailed, Civil Service including the Police and Arms Forces politicised, Election Commission “partisan-ed”, and MACC prejudiced, the nation is imperilled. With all these checks and balance subdued, they continue to plunder and pillage the nation’s wealth and coffer with impunity.
It is always darkest before dawn. I believe my country is presently in her darkest hour, and her finest hour is drawing nigh, a new dawn.
The 308 tsunami marked the awakening of the night. Teoh Beng Hock’s murder, Mongolian detonation, Scorpene scandal, Perak usurpation, National Feedlot Cow fiasco, Project IC debacle, ISA-Sedition flip, Perkasa thuggery, déjà vu buggery fibs and many more falsehoods, more than enough to fill up tomes of encyclopedia, were just turmoil of the night before next dawn. Violent works of the incumbent in its death throe, permit me to suggest.
The populace has awakened. The truth has set us free. We want freedom, justice and equality. We have found a voice that cannot be silenced, a courage that cannot be cowed, and a cause that cannot be deterred. We will make the stand. We will be counted. We will stay the cause come what may.
Our appealing voice at Bersih 1.0 has crescendo-ed into a courageous angry song at Bersih 3.0, Malaysia’s very own Les Miserables. Surely we will triumph, surely in the upcoming GE13, as surely as, the sun will surely rise and darkness will surely flee, surely we are at the cusp of eucatastrophe.
Twenty years from now, may be 30 years if I am blessed, on my deathbed, I presume and looking back, I hope, I can proudly recount to my children’s children that I was there when my country was at the crossroad, when her cry was dire. I was there on the streets during Bersih 3.0 and HKR#KL 112. I made the stand. I made my vote count in GE13.
In victory, we sent race based polity, together with corruption, cronyism and nepotism, into the abyss. Our country’s institutions, Parliament, Judiciary, Executive, Civil Service, Police, MACC and Election Commission were rehabilitated. More importantly freedom, justice and equality for all regardless of race, language or religion were reinstated. We made Malaysia a better country, a better home, and a truly one Malaysia.
I am determined. I am certain. My homecoming was for an appointment with destiny, to be part of my country’s history, to be recounted, to be echoed for posterity.